I'm really not sure how Thanksgiving is already here. There's something about this fall that has just seemed faster paced than other ones. As we're swimming in details for different pie recipes, it can be difficult for me to choose joy and gratitude. Last year, things that I was thankful for just flowed out of me. This year, it's been a bit different though.It's not that I'm not thankful for things, even things I was thankful for last year. I am incredibly grateful that some of those things are a part of my life every day. I've been reflecting over the past few weeks on more difficult things that I am thankful for that aren't easily wrapped up in a bow with a word like "family", "friendship" or "coffee".

Oakley

Being Oakley's Mom, even if it was just for a short time. She truly changed a lot for us here. Even though we still have Scout, it's a different dynamic in our home. We were hands on dog parents with diapers to change and a medicine schedule to abide by. There were some terrifying moments with her during seizures. Her sweet demeanor and the love that flowed out of her will last in my heart forever. She taught me a new side of what grace looks like in the monotonous and in the hard, never-ending moments.

My Wilderness + God's Kindness - An Excerpt from my Message on Sunday

God revealed to me over the past few weeks that sometimes our questions and doubts are just way more personal so we don’t even perceive them as those questions and doubts. That’s where I’m sitting right now. For the past few months, I’ve felt like God and I were in the desert together wandering in circles on the same topics over and over. The same struggles, go around again. Now, I think we’ve just sat down and are resting in it. One of the big questions for me right now that we’re circling around is the question of Is God Kind?So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. Ephesians 1:6-8 But— When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love, he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit. He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior.Because of his grace he made us right in his sight and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life. Titus 3:4-7I can see His kindness. I can believe He is kind. I believe He is good. In all of the wandering around in the past few months, I didn’t see this questions emerging until I was reading a book the other day and this quote lept out of the pages at me and straight down into my heart like a punch to it.I struggle so much when my expectations of God don’t meet the reality of my current experience with life. - Annie F. Downs, Remember GodThat’s where my struggle with God and his kindness come in. This is where the easy question becomes hard for me. In a friendship that I have right now that is really hurting and struggling to stay afloat, where is His kindness? If you’ve given me a desire for this thing, why can’t I seem to find it? Where are you in that? Where are you in all these things? How is it being kind to have me sitting here in the midst of pain, frustration and what feels like broken questions sitting around me.I am thankful for this place, a place to draw me near and dear to Him.

Deep + Tough Conversations

I'm not a small talk kind of gal. When conversation lulls and words of wind patterns and barometric pressure are thrown out, I am completely out of the conversation. It's a struggle for me to stay engaged in that. What I do love though is diving deep into hard topics. Topics that make us squirm. The ones that we try to avoid. The ones that live in the grey area of life. Those are the ones that I am 100% here for - to learn, to listen, to see a new perspective.I am incredibly thankful that I have people that we can have the hard, deep, uncomfortable conversations with. I am grateful for the willingness to go deep, to not shy away from subjects and to challenge and reevaluate what we have always known to be true of our own experiences as we take into account of those with experiences different from our own. For all of those that have sat with me as we talked about racism, white privilege, social justice, poverty + missional tourism, doubt, sex trafficking, the enneagram, grief, and a myriad of topics that aren't readily coming to my mind - I thank you for your willingness to have the hard chats with me.

Finding Sabbath Rest

Around Thanksgiving last year is when our journey with looking at how we do Sabbath Rest began. Since then, I've read a variety of books and listened to a lot of different podcasts on the subject. As we've been trying to add it into our lives and find a new rhythm in that, abiding by the Sabbath has proved to be a huge game changer for us. It has been a gift of margin for true rest, which has become an anchor in the busiest of seasons. We haven't been perfect at this, but the process has been so fruitful for us and one I can't imagine the past year without.